This time is dificult for me due to the crisis, spiritual crisis I have suffered. I thought I would be happy when I’m home, but things don’t happen as the way we expected sometimes.
Who says the final year is least busy? Pressure is getting more and more everyday, which comes from workload I have to do, from individual projects to teamwork presentations. Lots of things need to be done but I don’t feel I have enough energy to get them started.
Not only is the crisis about school things, but it also comes from my economic situation at the moment. Just a few months ago when I was in Japan, 80,000 yen which is my monthly scholarship dropped to my bank account frequently. Then I went home with some bucks as my savings during my time studying abroad. However, that money will be gone soon, you know, if you just take them out and spend them without making new one. I have searched and sent out CV to some companies with hope of getting accepted for any part time job position. None of them has replied yet. I foresee a harsh future of the newly graduated. Anyone can be at rish of being unemployed because it is not easy to find any job at the moment. I feel their pain now. Money is not all, I know, but we do need some to afford to live. All I can do at the moment is crossing my fingers and hope in a nice day a miracle will happen.
Moreover, I got sick due to the freaky weather in Vietnam. It is humidly hot, which screws me up. My energy has run out, mouth has got bitter while the whole body has been sore for several days. I do want to make a really delish food, do some workout or even read my book but everything has been against me. It’s not funny being sick.
And I miss Japan, especially my life in Japan. I miss my solo travels, miss the places I have been to. How badly I want to get out of the bustling city, escape from the dizzying pace of life and live slow for several days. But sadly I’m almost broke.
I don’t think I’m disoriented at the moment but it seems to be so. There might be so many things I want to do, which turns out overwhelming for my ability. Everything starts with difficulties, but I will find out the way to get out of this hard time. I will for sure. But what I need now is genuinely peaceful moment to talk to myself and heal my soul.